Big Ju who?

I'm going to the gym today. Actually, I've been going for the past four months. So far I've lost a whopping 40 lbs. You'd think that would be exciting. Well, not so much--at least not for me. Believe it or not, it almost feels like a piece of me is missing. I'll try to explain...

You see, for as long as I can remember, I've always been "big"--not fat, but big. People would ask if I played football or lifted weights. I just had this look, they'd say. And, hey, I liked the attention. Some even said I was pretty intimidating. What guy doesn't what to hear that? I know I do. But today, I don't get that anymore. Today, I'm just another normal guy. And I'll tell you what really got me going.

Remember Let's Pretend Hospital? Well, that day the school provided everyone with a shirt. Mind you, I've worn XL since I was in middle school. (Hey, I still wear XL, although surprisingly enough I may have to change that pretty soon. My clothes are really starting to hang. But, digress.) So, when I went to pick up my shirt, the girl behind the counter asked, "Do you need a large or a medium?" Do I need a large or a medium!!? What the hell? The only thing I could think of was, "Do I look like I could fit into a medium shirt?" I was livid--heck, and insulted. In my mind, it was inconceivable to even ask me that. I was Big Ju, right? I politely told her I needed an XL, while trying my best not to reveal my frustration. Not only were they out, but the girl looked at me like I was confused or something--like I couldn't appreciate the differences in shirt sizes. Then she proceeded to give me the large shirt with no hesitation. "Have fun," she says. I couldn't believe it. What was I supposed to do with a large shirt, I thought. I figured I'd give it to my girl friend, no biggie.

Well, that night I tried the shirt on. And would you believe the stupid thing fit. And it wasn't like I had to suck in or try really hard to make it fit, no way. The shirt just fit, perfectly. I couldn't believe it.

Now before I go on, I would like to say that I'm all for being healthy. Hey, that's why I did this. And I'm not saying I'd rather be fat--although, I never was fat. Once again, I was "big". And for most of you out there, I don't expect you to understand. After all, this is kind of a weird thing to vent about; but, nonetheless, these are my thoughts. I honestly feel like I've lost a little bit of what made me who I was.

Having said all that, I don't plan on quiting the gym. Truth be known, I'm addicted, which brings me to my dilemma. How in the hell, do I stay "Big Ju" while at the same time staying in shape? The answer, I'm afraid, isn't what I want to hear. It seems I can't. I'm going to have to come to grips with this new me--this much smaller me. I don't stand out anymore. People aren't as intimidated. And no longer do I look like a middle linebacker. Damn, that part really stings. Oh well, such is life. I'll get over it eventually, I guess.

Four miles, here I come!!